You have to really want it

One thing I notice about playing women's rec league hockey is that as a group, we're way too polite. Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone, and in fact those who aren't polite end up doing very well - breaking up a lot of plays, leading, naturally, to scoring a lot of goals. What's going on?

The main way I see the too-polite problem playing out is when two opposing players are racing for the puck. If it seems obvious that one of them will get there sooner than the other, the second player yields to the first. Almost as if saying, "Oh no, you go ahead, you were here first." It's bizarre. The guys don't do this. The younger generation and higher skill levels of female players don't seem to do it either. 

All I can think is that this has got to be a reflection of the way women are socialized in general to be more submissive, yielding, polite. So as not to be seen as too assertive. What the heck? This is a sport! You're supposed to be competitive. 

I even find myself doing it. Even though I first noticed this tendency ages ago, it seems to be a hard habit to break. I really have to remind myself to go all-out, to beat the other player to the puck, to think to myself, "I can get that!", to make myself reach out a little farther, a little sooner, and knock the puck just out of her reach. I am not an inherently competitive person so it is a huge effort of will to think that way. It's interesting trying to cultivate in myself a quality so unnatural to me, kind of a fun mental challenge.

Strangely it seem to be less of a problem when I play shinny with the guys. Their pure and unabashed competitiveness brings a different mood to the whole game. They don't take it personally if I steal the puck from them, and ditto for me if they take it away from me. It's a game. We don't need to be polite. We're not worried about offending each other. So I try and remember that feeling of really wanting the puck when I go back and play with my women's team.

Think of it the next time you are racing someone to the puck.  It's yours for the taking, but... you have to really want it.

[Apologies for the liberal use of italics. It just seemed like that kind of a day.]